[Note from Michael] When a person begins their transition to present as their true gender, rather than the one they were born into, he or she is questioned over and over about this "transition" and what it's really all about. I could explain in technical or medical terms, but even this escapes the grasp of truly understanding what we as transgender men and women experience as we embark upon this journey.

I have read, heard and seen many papers and people talk about transition, but none as enlightening as the following writing. I have contacted the author and have her permission to share it with you. The author is a male-to-female transgender woman, who shares the experience of transition in an illuminating way.

Transition: movement or passage from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change

That is an interesting word, made more so in light of it's application. When I hear people say something like, "I don't understand the whole transition issue" or "When did you transition?", or some other variation, I answer them all the same. My entire existence has been one transition after another, not unlike the life of every other person in perpetuity. Often, my response is met with a quizzical facial expression, perhaps a comment like, huh. Yeah, it's the truth. Every single person, that has been and ever will be, is involved in a dynamic state of flux otherwise known as life. Profound, huh!

The most alarming difference between my sojourn and theirs, I am physically in transition. I was born male, transitioning to female, and in the interim I am....? Our American society, law, government, etc. has no allowance outside of the presently defined binary system of designation. That causes us untold difficulties, but is not the subject matter I wish to expound upon, although the inference is unavoidable.

Regardless of M or F status of readers, I would like to hear from any, whom are reading this piece, who believe they are living in stasis. I digress.

My life has been 100% exactly the same as every other life on earth, or the universe for that matter. It is a never ending process of learning, growing and adapting, to an ever changing set of circumstances. When an infant is born, they are totally dependent upon a caregiver, as they mature and adapt they transition from total dependency to an increasingly independent state. A process of transition. If everything goes well that person reaches a state in which their life is integrated into society, and they become interdependent, a part of the society. For clarity, a healthy transition is from dependence to independence finally interdependence.

During this process any number of circumstances can derail that transition. The result is a maladjusted personality that is often toxic and self destructive. How many of you have reached a point of stagnation. Whether it be the divorced man that finds himself unable to trust women, the college graduate unable to find employment, the school teacher that has lost zeal for her work, what ever the situation. This is stagnation, we lose forward motion, or backward for that matter. When caught in an unchanging circumstance life is desperate and without hope. Some may call it a rut, an unending replay of the same behaviors and responses, a cycle. For some this may last a moment, a week, a year, or perhaps decades. Like anything, the longer you turn in circles the deeper the rut becomes, until one day the banks of the ditch are so deep they are unassailable. That is a depth of despair I have known, and wouldn't wish it on any person.

Fortunately for me, others have been able to see some value in my life and help me from my self- imposed pit of desperation. Sadly, some others have not known such kindness. There is but one guarantee in life and that is change, nothing remains the same. The universe is replete with infinite variations. This diversity is the wonder of life, the never ending equation. Why would anybody reject that? I submit that the vary notion of infinity is incomprehensible to all but the most high genius among us.

We all demand boundaries in our lives and society. Boundaries are healthy and necessary for us to establish and enforce. With boundaries we can have defenses. While respecting and defending our boundaries we can learn adaptive behaviors that enhance our ability to survive and prosper. Isn't that clear and tidy? No, it is absurd. We don't have clearly defined lines around us, we bump into each other at every turn, the boundaries we set are a constant encroachment on the people around us.

We are constantly moving boundaries and making course corrections to avoid conflict. Governments are established to provide boundaries to the societies they moderate. Think of it like a system of cogs and gears meshing, constantly in motion, ever self correcting. That is the beautiful insight our founders bestowed upon us, a system that is malleable, adaptive and dynamic. In other words, it allows our society, as it grows, learns and adapts, to transition away from the old and remake itself anew.

It happens every day, from the city clerk learning a new skill, to the president responding to a change in foreign leadership. It happens more often in our individual lives.

What would happen if one were driving on the interstate and suddenly a bus appeared in front of her/him, as it careens toward her/him getting ever closer, heading straight at the front of her/his car? She/he has to respond or the bus will hit her/him. What happens if, paralyzed by fear, she/he is unable to apply the brake, or steer? Surely that bus will smash her/his car to bits and she/he will likely die as a result. Huge catastrophe and a shameful loss. But what about the bus driver?

Due to fatigue the bus driver wasn't paying attention to the road signs and had gotten on the interstate going the wrong direction. Having taken the route many times the driver was sure, the driver of the car had fallen asleep and was furiously honking the horn and flashing the lights.

Let's assume for the moment there is an afterlife, both drivers are now deceased and they have gone to the same place. Can we stipulate they are both now in transition.

Stepping back and contemplating this for a moment, we are presented with challenges, we are still being a little myopic though. Step back and look again, holy moly. Now do you see it? The bus was filled with passengers, and the car contained a family.

We can argue for eternity the reasons why this happened. Perhaps, if the bus driver had been more responsible and taken better care to pay attention to the signs, or the driver of the car had been more practiced or slowed down a bit. The variables are infinite, and ultimately much was beyond the control of the two drivers. One point is not debatable, the passengers, who entrusted their lives to the two drivers, their lives have been forever impacted by events totally beyond their ability to control.

I hopefully have offered enough for you to grasp my closing inquiry. Instead of nameless and faceless people in the story above, picture me as the driver of the car and the passengers with me are my partner and two daughters, perhaps even a cousin or two.

Take it a step further and ask yourselves some questions.

What if you are the one driving the bus? Would you be so careless? Would you remain steadfast in your assumptions that make you think your actions are just?

What if you are a passenger on the bus? Would you be paying attention to the situation and point out to the bus driver that he is making a mistake? Would you realize too late the reality of the situation?

What if you are a passenger in the car? Would you understand that Mama is not a very experienced driver and offer some helpful guidance? Would you have offered to drive instead, knowing that she is unfamiliar with the road she is on?

What if you are me? Would you then ask me the same questions? Would you be unable to understand my views on transition? WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ME, DRIVING MY CAR?

Too often the scenario I just laid out is an accurate description of how my life feels. I am often navigating unfamiliar pathways and lost in unexplored territories. Every day, it feels like, I confront people with attitudes that are as unwavering as that bus baring down on me. I transition into another lane to avoid the collision, but sometimes I just don't have any choice but to meet them head on. The outcomes are a mixed bag, sometimes very positive, other times not so much. I never fail to learn from the experiences in my life, and that is what shapes my adaptive behavior.

One thing I am certain of, is the fact that the highway is big enough to accommodate my small car, even if that means the buses need to move to another lane or change direction entirely. So, when you meet me, I sincerely hope you take the opportunity to ask me when I decided to transition. For those of you who still don't understand, I have to ask. When did your transition end?

Meghan Fenner
Kalamazoo / Battle Creek, MI
January 14, 2009