"Of course, if you do try to stop it, everything thinks you *are* gay."

"Hey Zlick,

It has been my experience that young kids in the hip-hop culture will refer to each other as "nigga." This is a term of inclusion and I don't know what else, but it's not an insult. This is not limited to African-American males, either. White kids who enjoy hip-hop consider "nigga" a badge of honor.

This is a completely different word than "Nigger." I have never - ever - in my whole life heard that word used with anything other than spite and I have never -ever- met an African American who uses that word positively. The exceptions are Dick Gregory for the title of his book, and the rap group NWA, who were making a political point.

Also, I don’t know where the N-word comes from. I don’t know what it actually means. I just know it’s mean to say. I toured the old slave-market in Beaufort, SC once and read about the origins of slavery in America, but I still didn’t get a definition of the word. If anyone on this board knows, tell me, because I’m curious about things like that.
"

"And that is based on the mentality of the person you are speaking with who feel in themselves they are better than someone else for being who they are or perceive themselves to be. They wonder if you are gay which is a knee jerk reaction and they know exactly what they are saying which is offensive and to whom the offense is meant. They can think oh they are gay and then either stop saying it or they may begin to ridicule you for being gay if they think that. it is bully mentality and still ignorant. By the way why didn't you call them on saying the "n" word in school?"

"Because it doesn't provoke that same visceral reaction from me when a black person uses it--and it's always been a black person. I don't think it's acceptable to use it under any circumstances, but I don't replay anything powerful in my head when I hear the n-word like I do when I hear an anti-gay slur."

"I live on the Big Island of Hawaii. We're a pretty progressive and liberally social state. I'm a heterosexual married 32 year old man for 15 years with a 4 year old boy. My brother is a married homosexual living in the Castro of San Francisco and is active in the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus. My brother, my wife, and I grew up in the "mid-west of California;" in a conservative farm town just outside of Modesto.

I grew up regularly using the word "gay" to indicate a negative about any subject or situation. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. All it took was for me to open my mouth at a socially mixed party when I was 18 or so before I realized I was embarrassing myself and everyone around me. Was I actually a bigot? Was I actually homophobic deep down inside? No way! My brother came out of the closet a couple of years later. He was concerned that I would not accept him and that offended me! I love him more than anyone else loves him (except Mom of course), he damn near raised me (and thank God that he did).

I notice the writer of the letter in question is from Pittsburgh, PA. I have close friends here in Hawaii from Pittsburgh. They used to use words like "gay" and "nigger" etc. The people I know are not actually bigots, they used to be just ignorant. Now they live in a progressive area and know better.

The loser that wrote this letter may simply be an ignorant fool instead of bigot. Nonetheless, the editors of this magazine should have caught it.

IGNORANCE IS SAD, but...
BIGOTRY IS INEXCUSIBLE!

Using the phrase "that's so gay!" is offensive, but probably more often than not...simply ignorance.

Aloha!"