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Discussion: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
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Catalyst3 |
How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 19 2009, 2:24 PM EST
GLBT folks cannot win the fight for equality without the support of many straight allies. The question is always, "How do reach those supporters in the straight community?" I am hoping maybe some of you on this site can help me help others to find ways to reach out to the straight community and find the people sitting on the fence. The undecideds. The folks who don't think this issue has anything to do with them. They may not be against gay rights, but they are not actively engaged in the discussion. How do we find not only our passionate supporters but also those straight folks who would join us with a little education and if they were asked?Thanks for your insights!! 5 out of 5 found this valuable. Do you? |
querque |
1. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 19 2009, 5:52 PM EST
We're already here but we're drifting away because the cause for gay equal rights seems to move so few gays to action.
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TruthandLove |
2. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 19 2009, 7:57 PM EST
"We're already here but we're drifting away because the cause for gay equal rights seems to move so few gays to action."YES!!! Thank you for saying this. People, wake up. I have seen other allies mention this and some of us LGBT's jump all over them saying wtf do they know? Good lord people. I hear LGBT's (BTW, I am lesbian so I have the right to tell it like it is and defend our allies) who say already it's too hard, "they will never change" I don't know what do do, that's a great idea but it will never work and will spend an hour telling you why it won't. Today we are remembering Martin Luther King and the struggle for civil rights that is not over, is not complete because not all people in the United States are fully recognized as equal citizens. Don't we realize that the Blacks fought for over 100 years for what rights they now share? That women have fought nearly as long? When the big Civil Rights Movement of the 50's and 60's started, the activists and allies were beaten, hosed, screamed at, arrested and even murdered. Those activists did not fold up their tents and go home saying, this is too hard, this is too tough, and when ideas were presented they did not spend an hour telling each other how it wouldn't work, they spent that hour figuring out how to make it work! They had peaceful demonstrations that lasted for weeks and months, and each demonstration only brought more people to the cause. When one demonstration ended they began a new one. No one said, are we having too many demonstrations. And not every action was taken by every one, they had several going on at once or had some of the people involved in one thing and others involved in others, but the message was always the same EQUAL RIGHTS NOW!!! Until the late 60's most of the protests were non-violent on the part of the activists, this brought even more allies to their side, to the point that the President and the Legislature passed the Act. And once the Act was passed they still kept moving for voting rights! 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Catalyst3 |
3. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 19 2009, 10:03 PM EST
"YES!!! Thank you for saying this. People, wake up. <snip>"Thanks, TruthandLove. I think the simple fact is that life is tolerable for most gay folks these days. If they were being shot down in broad daylight, or lynched in the streets on a regular basis, there would be more fuss. So those with tolerable, if incomplete lives go about their merry way. I'm tired of trying to motivate the tolerably uncomfortable gay folks. I want to reach out and talk to and motivate the straight folks who think that ALL PEOPLE DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS. I want to engage them in the process of bringing all our citizens to a place of equaility under law if not in the hearts and minds of all the rest of its citizens. Where do I reach the most concerned straight allies for my buck? What do straight allies need to hear from us to join in the cause? These are the burning questions in my mind. 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
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querque |
4. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 19 2009, 10:21 PM EST
Unless more gays are committed to their own cause, I frankly don't see many straights joining you. How effective would the fight for civil rights have been if whites only were involved in the demonstrations? The bottom line is, until the gays get serious about this the straights won't join you. We straights may be credible allies but we have zero credibility trying to do this on our own. Gays have to be committed and most of them are not. What kind of message does that send to the straights? Why on earth should we join a cause where the majority of those concerned can't even bother to get involved?
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lanpuen |
5. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 3:06 AM EST
Get at least 70% of LGBTs fully involved and committed to EQUAL RIGHTS first.Then ask the committed LGBTs to talk to their straight family members and straight friends who love us to support us. Then we will have more people. I helped JTI Mass to get signatures for repeal DOMA to Obama. I went outside during the very cold days and got about 50 signatures, I guess. Then I called my nieces who really love me to help me get more signature and they did. But the most surprising one was my sister who viewed LGBTs as something not quite normal. Then I came out to her and told that I was gay last year. Now she is really helping me in everything I ask because she really loves me. I have her favorite brother and she wants to see me happy and she will do anything she can for me to be happy. ... So I guess that how we start. 4 out of 4 found this valuable. Do you? |
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lanpuen |
6. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 3:08 AM EST
Correction .... I "have" >> "AM" her favorite brother and she wants to see me happy and she will do anything she can for me to be happy. ... So I guess that how we start.1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
skyoung |
7. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 4:51 AM EST
This is an interesting conversation and a topic that has frustrated me for a while. It sometimes seems like a lot of members of the LGBT community have an expectation that these things are going to get done for them. I completely agree with querque and TruthandLove that the ball is in our (the LGBT communities) court and it's up to us to keep the pressure on our elected officials and communities for change. I was watching an interview with Tavis Smiley where he was talking about the civil rights movement and shared an anecdote where FDR met with a labor and civil rights leader and listened to all he had to say. At the end FDR's response is "I agree with everything that you've said, including my capacity to be able to right many of these wrongs and to use my power and the bully pulpit...But I would ask one thing of you, Mr. Randolph, and that is go out and make me do it."(This is a link to a different interview but it has the same anecdote if you're interested in reading more http://www.pbs.org/kcet/tavissmiley/archive/200811/20081105_belafonte.html) I have been guilty of my fair share of apathy too. I just think that, that mindset doesn't serve our cause. 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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skyoung |
8. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 5:20 AM EST
The other point that I wanted to make was that on a number of threads I have seen this recurring theme of how do we keep the momentum going, what steps do we take from here?I think lanpuen's story is an excellent example of some of the steps we can take as individuals. There was a thread going on whether or not protests are the best way to keep this issue in the media and in the forefront of people's minds. Protests are a great tool but they become meaningless if they are too far removed from the source. What I mean by this is, the public has a short attention span and if we're still protesting the Nov. 4 passage of Prop. 8 we're in trouble. Future action needs to be organized around crucial court dates that I'm sure will be coming up. But also I think we need to draw more attention to inequalities when they happen. I know that JTI's interest in the Oscar Grant case has drawn some heat but these things are happening in our community too. Why wasn't their more outrage when the lesbian woman was gang raped, there's data that proves when anti-gay legislation is passed these types of incidents increase. Also I think it's time that we need to start considering acts of civil disobedience. How can we show people the inequalities that still exist? Do you find this valuable? |
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TruthandLove |
9. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 6:48 AM EST
"The other point that I wanted to make was that on a number of threads I have seen this recurring theme of how do we keep the momentum going, what steps do we take from here?Using the court dates is a wonderful idea, can you post that as a separate thread? Also, YES more violence will occur probably as we get closer to full rights, I think then that we should keep that in mind and remember to work maybe in pairs or groups? Keeping the momentum going may take those who are truly committed to just keep at it, this can be hard if your community starts to fall away but it may attract them back and it will attract allies. You know, one thing I have noticed were the number of donors who were REALTORS to the prop 8 thing......in some states you can still be denied housing if you are gay, that would be something to research.....I will try to get on that when I get home. the ianpuen's story is excellent and encouraging! 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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querque |
10. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 11:33 AM EST
There are some great ideas going around and I don't mean to say that nobody's doing anything. Several people on this site have chosen to be active and visible and I applaud their efforts. Even so, their efforts will be wasted if all the movement does is get signatures on petitions or hand out fliers in a few areas. I'm not trying to denegrate the efforts of the few, I'm trying to issue a wake-up call to the many who do nothing and don't want to be involved and to those who already have local associations in place but prefer to argue with the ones who are leading these associations because their leaders aren't doing things their way. If you have a local association, put your egos away for the duration and cooperate with these leaders when events are planned. In many of these local associations are people who were gay rights activists in the '70s. They literally put their lives on the line back then but they kept at it and the built the foundation on which the next generation was to build. The next generation enjoyed the fruits of the "pioneers" labors and seemed to get too complacent, thinking everything else they wanted would naturally progress from earlier gains. Unfortunately, this was not so. In the areas I know about, the pioneers have come out of retiremant and are active once more yet many of the local orgs they have joined are not listening to them. Their ideas are dismissed or belittled and many of the younger gays are blaming them and telling them if they had done more in the '70s, the new generation wouldn't have to be active now. WTF! Don't the majority of you KNOW what the early gay activists had to go thru? Have you any idea at all the price they paid so most of todays gays could have the freedom from being beaten on college campuses or in the streets without legal protections? These pioneers are your best and most valuable resource and you ignore them at your own peril. (Continued below)
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querque |
11. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 11:35 AM EST
From where I stand, the vast majority of gays aren’t doing a damned thing about equal rights except expecting everything to be handed to them on a silver platter, like they’re somehow entitled to it without having to break a sweat getting it. Maybe that’s how it would be in a perfect world but, in case you haven’t noticed, this world of ours is far from perfect. There are a few here on this site who are genuinely engaged in the cause and I salute you for your courage but, by and large, most of the gays around the country would rather not be involved or, if they join their local orgs, just nit-pick or sulk like spoiled children cuz they’re not getting things their way or it’s too cold or a thousand other excuses instead of sucking it up and actually doing something. Candlelight vigil? Mostly a bust almost everywhere in the US. Repeal DOMA protest? So ineffectual it didn’t warrant a passing reference on the evening news in most cities. Facebook protest? Cute but not much impact overall. (Last part below) Do you find this valuable? |
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querque |
12. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 11:36 AM EST
In the case of black civil rights, Brown vs Board of Ed was only the beginning of their movement and the road ahead was long, arduous and even bloody but it was the foundation on which everything else was built. Take a page from your own history and remember that those queens at Stonewall did NOT go quietly into the night. They were clearly heard by the early activists most of you are so quick to dismiss. Build on what they made for you and stop bickering about procedure. Get involved, unite and get serious but don’t keep on the way you’re doing things now or you’ll set gay causes so far back that in 5 or 10 years and those fundamentalists will have you all in jail or cowering in the closet. Stop acting like Oliver Twist and saying, “Please sir. I want some more.” Demand what should already BE yours, what is your birthright as citizens of the US, equal rights under the law! I’m NOT advocating violence, only a loud enough voice in a large enough presence with a persistent message that you want equal rights and you will not shut up till you get them. Straights are not going to put ourselves out on the lines until you gays show us that this matters to you, you’re serious about fighting for your own rights and that there’s such a fire burning in your bellies that we’d rather be out there fighting with you than to stay home and be as indifferent as most gays seem to be. 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
Judegeekgirl |
13. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 20 2009, 8:40 PM EST
Catalyst - if I could figure out how to find it, one of my very first post was what can the gay community do to attract more straight allies. And I'm straight. I'm here because I have lots of dear friends who are gay. We already know that about half of Americans support same sex marriage. You HAVE lots of allies. But they are not vocal. The gay community isn't reaching out to them. Do you think they go to websites like this? I doubt it. Do they know who to speak up to? Do they know that gays want and would benefit from their support? It's not on their minds every day. It isn't news they pay attention to. They would not know where to start.If you know someone who supports gay rights, ask them to become involved. What if everyone who supports gay rights emailed their federal and state representatives in the same week? Emails are free. People don't necessarily need to donate money or march. We need to persuade lawmakers. Create events for straight people to participate in. 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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Knottrek |
14. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 21 2009, 12:31 AM EST
"From where I stand, the vast majority of gays aren’t doing a damned thing about equal rights except expecting everything to be handed to them on a silver platter, like they’re somehow entitled to it without having to break a sweat getting it. Maybe that’s how it would be in a perfect world but, in case you haven’t noticed, this world of ours is far from perfect. "My wife and I are busting our butts. I'm running church outreach events that contact up to 200 people at a time. Sometimes it's only 4 or 5 people at a time. It doesn't matter. Every single one of those people is valuable. My wife is working phone banks, going to political events, hanging posters, educating folks . (I do religion, she does politics) Neither one of us know anyone who"[isn't] doing a damned thing about equal rights..." Everyone we know is doing something, no matter how frightened they are. Even if it's something so anonymous as marking their money. Where are you finding gays who do nothing? What is happening to give you the impression they are the "vast majority"? 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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lanpuen |
15. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 21 2009, 1:19 AM EST
I am 45 and all my gay and lesbien friends around my age hardly ever do anything about equal rights. Actually I am the only one who is doing things like fundraising for JTIMA and going out in the cold to get signatures. I tried to talk them in to this movement to be part of the IMPACT, but it seems they all settle down with their lives comfortably so comfortably that they don't think we need to do anything. I've tried so hard to show them what I am doing. They all said "Good for you", and that's it. I am really really frustrated, but will never ever be discouraged. I will keep going and showing them that "YES WE CAN.. TOO" Just for my two cents, I think gays and lesbiens in Boston, especially the old one like me, are very comfortable with what they are having and being. So they then focus on other things like their sports and other leisures than equal rights. I am not saying that we should forget about other things in our lives, but we should add "Equal Rights" in our lives too. 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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querque |
16. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 21 2009, 10:42 AM EST
"I am 45 and all my gay and lesbien friends around my age hardly ever do anything about equal rights. Actually I am the only one who is doing things like fundraising for JTIMA and going out in the cold to get signatures. I tried to talk them in to this movement to be part of the IMPACT, but it seems they all settle down with their lives comfortably so comfortably that they don't think we need to do anything.Knottrek, this is what I'm talking about. You and lanpuen and a number of others on this site are bustin' butt to get stuff done (since we're not supposed to name name names I'll just have to hope they know who they are) while most of the other gays in this country are totally indifferent or so fond of only running their mouths that they do nothing. I'm straight, I have gay friends and I'm at my wit's end over how to get them interested in getting involved. Granted, I don't often see the local gay newspaper (except for online) and from what Ive seen THEY aren't covering the gay activist events in town or issuing calls for action. Our new president has said we should get involved in causes that matter to us and the cause of equal rights for gays is the cause closest to my heart so that's what I'm involved in. I'm not going to stop trying to get gays and straight people I know involved in the same cause but the straights won't join the gays until there's a large, visible body of gays to join and right now that doesn't exist. I think lanpuen is right when he says that "the gays and lesbians are very comfortable with what they are having and being." It is the story with most of my gay and lesbian friends too. A movement has to MOVE and this one seems dead in the water! Do you find this valuable? |
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Catalyst3 |
17. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 21 2009, 11:26 AM EST
"Catalyst - if I could figure out how to find it, one of my very first post was what can the gay community do to attract more straight allies. And I'm straight. I'm here because I have lots of dear friends who are gay. We already know that about half of Americans support same sex marriage. You HAVE lots of allies. But they are not vocal. The gay community isn't reaching out to them. Do you think they go to websites like this? I doubt it. Do they know who to speak up to? Do they know that gays want and would benefit from their support? It's not on their minds every day. It isn't news they pay attention to. They would not know where to start.Judegeekgirl - I didn't think that there were all that many straight allies hanging out on sites like this. A hardcore few, yes, but my biggest challenge as an engaged, active member of this fight has been how to find the non-vocal straight supporters. I talk to my clients, my neighbors, lots of people I meet in a variety of places. Sometimes I just feel that it isn't enough. Your suggestion about creating events that straight people to participate in is great. I haven't hit on that golden event yet either. I'm stuck waging the battle in Indiana where the general attitude of even my family is "it's not my fight." You've sparked some ideas though, and for that I thank you. If you or anyone else reading this thread have more ideas about events you would like to see and/or participate in please chime in on the new thread I'm about to start. Thanks!! 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
janewishon |
18. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 23 2009, 11:20 AM EST
"I want to reach out and talk to and motivate the straight folks who think that ALL PEOPLE DESERVE EQUAL RIGHTS. I want to engage them in the process of bringing all our citizens to a place of equaility under law if not in the hearts and minds of all the rest of its citizens. Where do I reach the most concerned straight allies for my buck? What do straight allies need to hear from us to join in the cause? These are the burning questions in my mind."Hi, straight supporter here. I made up some "I voted no on 8" buttons that I wear when I go about my daily business. Because they are non-confrontational, people ask about them. Then I give a button to anyone who wants one. Keeping the conversation about equal rights -- civil rights helps. Frankly, it's a little bit like the GLBT community, as a whole, has circled their wagons and they don't reach out to straights -- maybe the GLBT people I've met (who don't know me) are right to be a little standoffish - there are plenty of gay bashers in the world. So I think it's up to those of us, straight supporters of equality, to carry the message to the straight community. If you're interested in my buttons (the proceeds from which go to the fight to overturn Prop 8) -- http://www.cafepress.com/moreattitude 3 out of 3 found this valuable. Do you? |
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ld1266 |
19. RE: How can glbt groups and individuals find more straight allies?
Jan 23 2009, 12:05 PM EST
"Catalyst - if I could figure out how to find it, one of my very first post was what can the gay community do to attract more straight allies. And I'm straight. I'm here because I have lots of dear friends who are gay. We already know that about half of Americans support same sex marriage. You HAVE lots of allies. But they are not vocal. The gay community isn't reaching out to them. Do you think they go to websites like this? I doubt it. Do they know who to speak up to? Do they know that gays want and would benefit from their support? It's not on their minds every day. It isn't news they pay attention to. They would not know where to start.to gain more straight allies we need to look at what they want for themselves and the country. Most Americans that i speak with are sympathetic with our health care issues,hate crimes against us,and overall disrespect to us. The division comes (in my conversations) when it comes to gay marriage they dont have a problem with our rights to form families,get the benefits from the federal gov. etc but i hear time and time again i wuold support it if it were called something different so if you want to gain more allies to gain momentum on the "marriage" issue i think that is a good thing to look at afterall we dont all live in California most states are much more conservative 2 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
